I follow quite a few body positivity influencers and I always LOVE their message. I love seeing the beautiful story of loving your body being promoted openly online. I love seeing many variations of body types as a reminder of the fact that there is no “normal” or “ideal” or “perfect”. And, when you strip away those notions, you also strip away all of the pressure and hatred that you’ve heaped on yourself over your lifetime. It’s totally freeing. I think the world needs a lot more variety in the bodies represented in the media and strong reminders that there is so much beauty in the human form, in all of it’s many shapes and sizers.
Some of the influencers that I follow have struggled with a thin obsession and/or eating disorder earlier in their life (or still struggle). It’s so amazing that they share their stories to help free anyone else who may be struggling with the same issues. It’s so important to keep sharing the message of perseverance which leads to healing which leads to peace. To show others that there is a way forward, and they don’t have to drown in their insecurities. I know these messages have an audience and a huge purpose.
But do you ever just interpret something through the lens of your own experiences, and it gets a little twisted? To me, as I would listen to friends and family members or influencers talk about their constant obsession with body weight, all I heard is that they think thin is good and fat is bad. And, well, I certainly don’t fit into the thin category as a woman who wears a size 12. I mean, I just assumed that they drew a line in the sand on the proverbial beach and that they all idolize tiny bikini bodies and not the hot mom bod that I rock in my tummy-covering one piece. The assumption that I made (and honestly still wonder if it’s true even as I write this) is that anyone who struggles to maintain a perfect body must be harshly judgemental of anyone who doesn’t. I know that food obsession, disordered eating, extreme dieting stems from their belief of what body type is acceptable and what is not. But it’s impossible for me to know if those deeply held beliefs are reserved for their own bodies or if they extend those judgements on everyone else around them. And, really, it isn’t my business to worry about that. Their feelings don’t need to influence or predict the way anyone else feels about themselves. Cause, girl, you get to choose what you subscribe to (online and in your head).
When friends of mine would proclaim that you should ditch the scale, eat what you want guilt-free, enjoy calorie dense foods, drink the wine, eat the cake or stop “obsessing” they were talking to those who are at a higher risk of disordered eating or body dysmorphia. This is really good advice for someone who can easily become overly obsessed with their goals and attach too much weight to their results. This advice is super helpful for those who have mistreated and malnourished their bodies for the sake of their appearance. YES, girlfriend. You SHOULD eat the dang chocolate.
But, it’s not super great advice for someone like me - who is “fat and happy”. I am someone who loves food, has very few body issues but doesn’t really want to keep gaining weight. For the record, I don’t actually think of myself as fat - it’s just a cute expression to categorize the people who really do just live their life without constantly thinking about their body. But, if I was to just eat the cake and drink the wine whenever I wanted, I would completely change my current body size and also the health of my body. The more weight I carry, the less energy I have to live the life that I want to live. When I creep up over my comfortable body weight, I all of a sudden start to feel the uncomfortable insecurity that comes when I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I’ve failed myself a little, that I have not been diligent in taking care of ME the best that I can. It doesn’t feel great.
This year, due to the prolonged isolation and stress of 2020, I hit a new number on the scale. I had been ignoring the scale for at least 6 months prior, as was suggested by quite a few different voices in my life. I thought that’s what I should do to be healthy. Turns out, ignoring the scale for me is more like pretending that I have magic metabolism that will transform all of my brownies and popcorn into sculpted muscle. Stepping on the scale is a reminder that excess calories don’t get stored as lean muscle mass (wouldn’t that be nice?) on my body…nooo….they get stored as thighs rubbing together and tummy jiggle. Like, brownies, I will always be your friend, but why do you have to do that to me?
Now, is it a bad thing to have some curves, some wiggle or some love handles? Hard no. Not bad at all. I think it very important for all of us to determine what body we are most comfortable/happy in and to live there. One Denmark Study of 100,000 individuals shows that constant dieting and extreme changes in weight is more taxing on your body that to just maintain a healthy, comfortable “overweight” state. And, that being “overweight” is an indicator of longer lifespan & health. Here, in this blog space, I will never tell you that one body type is better than another…only that you need to figure out what is best for YOU.
This year, I decided that I wanted to put in some extra effort into my healthy habits and also focus on losing some weight. Now, remember, I’m not doing this to magically turn into Blake Lively, I’m doing this to be the best Yolanda that I can be, without insane expectations. I knew that I had to stop playing dumb when it comes to my exercise & nutrition. Ignorance is quite peaceful, but it doesn’t lead to change! I for sure had a lifestyle that was working against me. And, even though I eat healthy food 80% of the time, there was some disconnect when it comes to portion sizes, macro nutrients & balance.
I grew up in a home where more was better. Both of my parents are excellent cooks, so we always had amazing, home cooked food. We were served large portions of food and praised for finishing our plates. We always had enough just in case one of my friends would stay for dinner. We would all eat seconds (or thirds) of whatever we were eating and I loved it. I would be very confused by my friends who “ate like birds” and just didn’t consume a very large portion. My eye had been trained to put a certain amount of food on my plate and consume that portion size. As I hit my twenties, I started gaining weight. From a tiny high schooler, I slowly, but surely gained over 50lbs before I got married at 21. The changes were so slow, that it never really bothered me. And, looking around at the women in my family, I had the same body type as many of them and I just accepted it. From then on, I would maintain that weight within a 15lb range. Anything above that is quite concerning for me as a 5’3” shorty (not because anyone has set that standard for me or that it represents my “ideal” weight - this is just my comfortable number). I’ve had success with losing weight intentionally in the past, but for whatever reason, the habits just never stuck. And, when you aren’t too concerned about it, it isn’t very high priority in your life.
When I first decided that I should start exercising more regularly again, I was well over my comfortable range. And I wan’t happy about it. My clothes weren’t fitting properly and I felt limited to leggings and oversized sweaters for the whole winter. I knew I had to commit to a program that would just become a part of my everyday life. But, the first program was not maintainable for me. It wanted me to exercise intensely for 45 minutes a day, for 6 days a week. Which just wasn’t always practical for me as a busy mom of 4. I needed something that I could do with the kids and not every dang day! But, I committed to the program anyways…for 12 weeks. And, I saw no pounds lost during that time. I was working my butt off, but I hadn’t changed my eating habits. I finally decided that I need help, and I reluctantly told a close friend (conveniently, a personal trainer and food coach) what was happening. Her response was “Why won’t you let me help you?” I didn’t respond right away. There was a lump in my throat. I don’t want or need any help. I eat healthy, I exercise, I don’t need help! The defiant 12 year old girl in me was shouting “don’t let anyone tell you what to do! You don’t need other people telling how to live my life!" like an ill-informed overly confident pre-teen. But, the peacemaker and loyal friend in me knew that she really did have something beautiful to offer me. So I said yes.
I signed up with my friend Carolyn from STRONGirl to do her group training & food coaching from the comfort of my own home, as well as some in-person training. The food tracking was easier than I expected and the workouts were fun, engaging with a huge variety of moves and challenges. I loved it. Within 6 weeks of tracking my food and hitting the goals that she helped customize just for my own body and lifestyle, I was pleasantly surprised! I couldn’t believe it, I had lost 8.5 lbs. Turns out, I don’t know everything and asking for help can sometimes be…well…helpful! Who knew! With such good results out of the gate, how could I stop? I was basically handed a tool that would help me realize just how many brownies is probably too many. To make simple choices that allowed me to eat the brownie, but within reason. And, how to keep my body active so I could still eat brownies when I really want to. Tracking my food was not too regimented or bothersome…it was FREEING!
I’ve heard many of my friends say to me since I started tracking my macros that they can’t do the same. Some of them haven’t tried it and are afraid of the commitment to having any sort of “rules” around their eating. They prefer to stay in the ignorance is bliss category that I so happily embraced for so long. Some of my friends have tried it, but felt that this type of counting/tracking was making them overly obsessed with their food for the day. I can totally see how it isn’t suitable for everyone. But, for me, knowing what I’m going to eat that day helps me to stop thinking about it. Like, my brain has checked off the food planning box and I don’t need to keep revisiting it. Yes, it does take a little bit of planning ahead (and trust me, I am NOT a planner) to figure out what you’re going to eat so that you macros are in good proportions. But, once you get used to it, it’s actually really easy to stick to! Now, almost 12 weeks later, I’m down a total of 15 lbs. To say that it is working is an understatement. It’s not just working, but it’s almost effortless at this point. I work out for 45 minute just THREE times a week. I try to hit a step goal on the other days (which is just walking for me and does my brain a lot of good too!). And, I track my food. That’s it. I know that I can keep doing this for a long time! I’m so grateful that I’ve been given the specific instructions that work for me instead of constantly trying to follow all of the confusing information online. If you want this same kind of help, please talk to Carolyn at STRONGirl and she will help you figure out your way to your goals too! She’s so awesome to work with and a constant encouragement to me! I swear she isn’t paying me to write this! I’m just so grateful that I have to share!
To the influencers out there - always share your own story, not matter who’s watching. The people who need you, will find you! Some of us might not relate to your story, but we will see the beauty with which you share it. And, the world needs the voices of brave & beautiful women of all kinds. Share your truth and your story, it really does make a difference.
Friends, if you want to change your body, you’re allowed to do that. You’re also allowed to be comfortable wth who you are already. In fact, I would argue that loving yourself will help you accomplish your goals a whole lot faster than hating your body. Our brains and our bodies need to learn how to play nice together. It’ll be a lot easier to move forward if we can all just get along! And guess what, when you’re tracking your food, those brownies that fit into your day will taste so much sweeter!
*Strongirl website was designed by yours truly - Yolanda Koole :)
