This is not a before and after.
Okay, so maybe it is. There is clearly a side by side photo here documenting my progress. Before I started training and tracking my food and after. For me, I only take these photos for information. To see if progress has been made and celebrate my efforts and accomplishments. I do not take these photos to look back and hate my previous self. I do not take these photos to affirm the world’s standards of beauty and body types. I do not take these photos to prove anything to anyone, not even myself. Let’s be clear here. I love myself in both photos.
Sometimes we see these types of side by side photos and one is meant to be identified as “better” than the other. And, if we resonate more with the “before” picture, this can leave us feeling all kinds of strange emotions, like self doubt, self-loathing and low self-esteem. It’s why I was hesitant to share this image at all. Because, I was honestly feeling really great about myself when this July 2020 “before” photo was taken. I was active, healthy, in a good mindset and loving every minute of summer. I was happy. I spent lots of time outside in the sunshine, even in my bathing suit in the backyard or at my Oma’s pool. Life was good. Just because this photo is on the left doesn’t mean that I was somehow not healthy, happy and whole.
A photo doesn’t tell you the whole story. If there was a “before” photo, it would have been taken in the previous winter. But, I didn’t take a photo of myself back in March of 2020 when I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and in a body that I didn't recognize anymore. I didn’t really want to document it. Instead, I hid it under leggings and oversized sweaters. I knew I could change it, but instead I would dwell on it and beat myself up for it. It was a strange time for me. I haven’t been in a place like that before. Feeling so insecure in who I am. I have always been someone who knows who they are and is confident in who God made me to be. Sometimes, my contentment and peaceful state would cause a lack of motivation to grow…since life was so good just the way it was. Usually, I didn’t care what I looked like, because I knew it wasn’t tied to my worth. And, I truly believe that body size has nothing to do with being happy or with living out your purpose. But, for January - March 2020, I just didn’t feel like me. And the doubt and the darkness crept in. It was a strange, sad few months of my life that left me feeling very low. Which, in hindsight, was probably a necessary place for me to find myself….I needed to be forced to make a choice. I knew that I had options. I just needed to pick something and give it a try. I needed to take care of myself so that I could show up for my family and my roles and my business as my true self again.
I may be on this path of growth right now, but that doesn’t mean I do it from a place of hating myself and wanting to change it. I actually had to learn to love myself first to be able to make any changes at all. I had to realize that I had everything I needed to accomplish these goals. I had to realize that I was enough. I had to make the choice to just see and discover what I was capable of. And, that I was not alone. That I could benefit from the help and support of others. I also needed to remember who I was and that peaceful place of feeling happy with me again. Learning to accept your circumstances and be content (which is a powerful Biblical message) is such a practical mindset for your whole life. When we find ourselves at the extremes of either constant self-sabotage or over-dreaming (never enough or satisfied with what you have) we miss the here and now. We miss out on the reality that life can be good just the way that it is. Finding yourself in a place of growth coupled with contentment is POWERFUL. You will feel open. Inquisitive. Challenged. Engaged. Present. Happy. This is where I have been at since May 2020. I’m happy with who I am, but also curious with what I can do!
That doesn’t mean that I don’t face discouragement, discomfort or setbacks…there are always going to be hard days sprinkled in the mix, that’s unavoidable. But, in the day to day of real life, things are generally good. Lockdowns have left me a bit lonelier than usual, which tends to happen to extroverts when they are cut off from people. But, thankfully, my house is full of people who are bursting with energy and laughter and a side of chaos. Life is never boring! I’m so thankful that I have such a strong health-oriented daily and weekly routine of loving myself (with a love that comes from my creator) as well as taking care of the body he has given me!
I wanted to share some of the things that really helped me change my mindset. Some may sound super cliche…but let’s face it. Something becomes a cliche because it’s commonly effective.
5 tips for shifting your mindset and loving yourself more
1. Talk to someone.
When we are feeling down and discouraged, it is very common to keep it to ourselves in fear of being a burden on others or being seen as a complainer. There are people in your life who care about you and, quite possibly, even help you. Talk about it. I didn’t want to tell my hubby that I was feeling insecure or depressed. I was worried that my lack of confidence would be unattractive. Turns out, he is supportive and wanted me to feel better. Hmm. Who knew? I didn’t want to admit to my personal trainer friend that I didn’t like my body anymore (after years of telling her I was happy just the way I was), but I did. I shared how I was feeling and she reminded me that she doesn’t offer judgement, she offers support and encouragement. What a relief!
2. Spend time outside
Get outside. Sometimes when we are feeling down and disconnected, it is our natural inclination to stay inside and find “escapism” activities to do like watching TV or scrolling our phones. And, while downtime is important, it won’t make you feel any better. Getting outside, going for a walk, finding yourself near trees, mountains, water, snow, grass or sand is going to help restore you. Move your body and get active. And/or find yourself a moment of stillness with no distractions outdoors to inhale the fresh air and exhale you're stress.
3. Move your body
Physical activity is one of the most well-known ways to immediately change your thought patterns and emotional state. It doesn’t have to be a workout program or a run, it could simply be dancing in the kitchen or getting off the couch and doing some stretches. Walk it off or shake it off….whatever you enjoy doing will be most effective. It will seem so strange at first. Difficult to find the motivation to get going. But, just remember that you don’t need argue with yourself over whether or not it will work, you only need to get yourself to start.
4. Find yourself some silence
In a world that is abundantly busy with minds that are constantly engaged (or entertained), it’s so important to give yourself some time to think. Finding some stillness to journal, think, reflect, meditate or pray will be an important part of the healing process. Guard your thoughts in the stillness. Be mindful of your thought patterns and notice when they are negative and self deprecating. If it’s difficult to avoid them, try incorporating a gratitude practice. Listing a few things each day that you are grateful for. Rest is just as important as work/accomplishments in your day.
5. Nature’s medicine
We love to use plants as food, and know that few things compare to the nutrients provided by plants for our health. We can’t replicate the naturally occurring nutrients found in nature with synthetic, processed food. The same can be said for plants as medicine. There is something so synergistic about the way plants support our bodies. Through natural remedies, like essential oils, we can see some incredible changes, particularly when it comes to emotional support and mental health. It’s quite something to see how quickly inhaling a fresh citrus or mint essential oil will change your mood and energy!
I’d like to return to the before and after picture for a minute. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I’m not sure that I agree. Pictures often present the highlights of life, as we choose not to share the raw, gritty or ugly photos we take (or don’t take). Photos show only what’s on the outside, and not what’s really going on. Skinny bodies may or may not be healthy bodies. Strong bodies may not be thin. Thin, strong, healthy bodies may still hate themselves. Thick bodies may be unhealthy in mind or physical health. But, thick bodies might also be strong and capable and full of love for themselves. You just can’t tell. There is only one thing that matters in all of it. That you love who you are and show up fully in that version of yourself.
