How to not only survive your summer, but thrive with kids at home!

I THOUGHT MY SUMMER WAS GOING TO BE AWFUL

I have 4 young (and crazy) boys. The thought of them all being home from school was frightening and overwhelming. To give you an idea of what my house is like, here’s a photo of them at our professional photo shoot...I think you get the picture!

The first day of summer was a tough one. Daddy was at work and the kids gave me the hardest time all. day. long. One of those days when you start wondering if your voice actually makes any sound at all. Does anyone hear me? I'm sure they hear me. I mean, I can hear me. What is actually happening right now? Then you start wondering what tactic will work best - standing in front of their face and making direct eye contact? Going over to them and touching them on the shoulder when you talk to them? Yelling loudly in what could be a teacher voice but is actually just angry mom voice? Nothing. Maybe I should send them all to bed. But you can feel it in your heart that this isn't the kind of parent you want to be. You want to be the fun and engaged parent you always thought you'd be, but you can't figure out how to get them to listen to you so that the fun part can start. Their poor listening skills turned into mama frustration which turned into more bad behaviour which turned into more mama frustration. I started to doubt my capabilities as a mom. I sat down at the end of the day in shock at what had happened to me. I was worked up, angry, furiously annoyed and feeling hopeless. How could I take on so much stress all day? And how on earth was I going to survive an entire summer trying to work and mom at the same time?

I had to make a choice.

The first choice that I made was to choose gratitude for my children. This probably seem like a no brainer. I mean, we all love our kids and are obviously grateful for them. But do you choose to feel gratitude for them when they give you a run for you money? Or do you choose to allow that situation to beat you down until you feel like you are out of options? I decided that I was going to choose the gratitude route and see how my own mood would improve.

The next choice that I made was to separate work time and playtime. If you know me, you know this one simple fact about me. I can't multitask. And honestly, I don't really think that anyone should pride themselves in this skill. To me, it means that you are divided & distracted, instead of focused and energized. Women who can multitask impress me...but they don't inspire me. I am inspired by women who know what they are good at and do it with their whole heart. And that's the choice I made for this summer. To be a fully present mom sometimes and to be a rockstar girl boss sometimes...but NOT at the same time.

Let's be honest here.

I just can't run my home-based business while I'm parenting my children. It isn't fair to either of us. Though I can work at bedtime, when daddy is home and on occasion at quiet time, I can't really give them my attention if my nose is in my computer, or worse, my phone.

So instead, I plan to turn off the devices when it's mom time. To really listen to them and have conversations with them. To play hard instead of saying no so I can go and “accomplish” something. To be really present and engaged when I'm with them.

We decided this week to buy our kids a trampoline. You can check out my insta stories @flourish_yolandakoole to see the look of PURE JOY on my kids faces while they play on it. But I have no intention of letting them have all the fun! I can use the exercise, the exhilaration & the bonding time with my boys. Today, we got in our bathing suits while the littlest was napping and jumped for half an hour straight with the sprinkler under the trampoline. Messy hair, ruined mascara, possibly peeing my pants a little, no timeline or deadline, just plain old fun!

WHO CARES what other things I could have been doing (laundry, dishes, gardening, biz activities...the list is endless)...because these moments are what make life feel FULL. Don't skip over the present moment. Don't let your summer pass you by without taking time to ENJOY IT.

5 TIPS FOR AN EASY, MEMORABLE SUMMER WITH YOUR KIDS

1) PLAN AHEAD. SCHEDULE IN TIME FOR EVERYONE TO GET WHAT THEY NEED THIS SUMMER.

Plan your activities together as a family. Some fun, new things that have you out exploring or discovering something. Trying new things. Making memories. Planned activities have a way of keeping your kids interested, engaged and occupied. Since children will often act out when they are bored, a few planned activities each week can keep them excited. It can also help them continue to learn new things throughout the summer. Note, this doesn’t meant that you are responsible for keeping them “entertained” for every minute of every day. So many kids suffer from a poor attention span due to being overstimulated on the daily. Boredom can lead to poor behaviour, but if they are guided correctly, can also lead to creativity, exploration, imaginative play and more engagement with siblings. Just redirect them towards a new activity. Perhaps you pull out an old game, book or toy they haven’t played with in a while. Or, provide them with a new material to use like craft supplies, slime or homemade play dough. A little bit of guidance can lead to all kinds of fun. This inspired creation was 100% his idea after I handed him a box of markers and an old pizza box. You just never know what creative idea is waiting to jump out of them!

You also will want to schedule in time for yourself. Whether you are a working mom, a work at home mama or a stay at home mama, you need time to do your own thing. Something that lights you up and fills you up again. To refill your cup so you don't feel so depleted when it comes time to parent, manage or discipline your kiddos. Your self care, personal development, marriage relationship, nutrition, exercise should not take a back seat in the summer time. Find ways to fit it in, even if it means that you ask family to watch your kids or you hire a nanny/babysitter to come weekly. Make this a priority. Plan it into your week. A well taken care of mama will be better equipped to make sure her kids are well taken care of.

This summer has been a huge red flag for me. The stress I started to feel at the beginning of summer reminded me of how much I had let go of my self care. So I made the decision to really focus on my nutrition for a season. I hired a great nutritionist to help me understand the simplest way to fuel my body with whole foods. You can find her here: Walnuts and Pears Nutrition

Once my nutrition was looking good, I realized that my fitness had taken a major back seat. My workouts are absolutely the first thing to go when I allow overwhelm to creep in. When the stress piles on, I often turn to Netflix (I may have watched all of Suits since the royal wedding) to escape what I’m feeling. But, summer marked a fresh new season of outside activity, and wanting to feel good in my health, my activity level & energy. So, I decided to do something about it. I have joined a fun summer fitness (pilates & yoga inspired) challenge! My friend Lindsay is a certified pilates instructor and is helping us ease into a new lifestyle with a simple, quick workout. I’m so excited to start! Click HERE (PILATES CHALLENGE) to see what I’m up to this summer!

2) ENLIST HELP. IF "IT TAKES A VILLAGE", YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR VILLAGE.

We know without a shadow of a doubt that we just can't do everything. So often, we as women try. We think that the wonder women that we see on social media have all of their bases covered. They throw pinterest worthy birthday parties, cook chef inspired gourmet meals at home every night, keep the house clean and make all of the kids beds everyday, always seem to have well-dressed children and show no signs of the insanity that we feel creeping into our own life. We stare at them in disbelief and wonder how on earth they do it all. Hot tip. They don't. Sometimes it looks like someone is doing ALL THE THINGS, but I promise you they have their strengths and their weaknesses. We can’t do everything. But, the good news is, that we can all do OUR THING. Find your thing and nail it. Do it with your whole heart and live it out with enthusiasm and enjoyment. But for everything else that you hate doing - outsource that. Recruit friends, family, services for hire, time-saving products or hired help. For more info on this topic - check out this epic podcast from my friend Ange @ hol:fit here - WONDER WOMAN PODCAST

Also, check out Rachel Hollis at her website or @mrsrachelhollis on instagram for some great self care suggestions! Plus, read her book - Girl, Wash Your Face for some incredible personal development & self love inspiration as she helps you tear down some of the dumb lies we all believe about ourselves and replace it with the truth of who we are meant to be!

3) GO ON DATES & GET OUT OF THE HOUSE WITHOUT THE KIDS

Yes, we love our kids and there are so many ways that we can make incredible memories during their few precious summers we have them. But, you also need time to talk to adults. To learn something new. To feel like you have achieved or accomplished something. To nurture the other important relationships in your life - like your partner or your friends. So often, we wrap up our identity with who we are as a mama, that we start to lose who we are apart from them. Time away is healthy for you and a wonderful experience for your kids to bond with other people. You both need to learn how to grow apart from each other as they become their own independant (and annoyingly strong-willed, mind of their own little humans) who will leave the nest and go out into the world.

It’s a dangerous thing - when a woman prioritizes her children over herself, her spouse and the rest of her life, as she can easily lose her identity. Then, when the kids move out, they become lost & empty. To prevent this from happening, you need to change the order of your priorities. In my life, my priorities go Faith, Husband and THEN kids. I hear men & women say all the time that there is nothing more important in their life than their children. But I just don’t believe in taking that stance. WHAT? How can she even say that? What could be more important than your child?? Hold on, let me explain! I want my kids to know that my relationship with their dad is first. So that they feel the stability of our marriage, the unity of our decisions and love that we have for each other. It gives them an example of a healthy relationship. When we leave them to go on dates (or gasp, even a vacation without them) we aren’t abandoning them. We are taking necessary time to bond with each other and showing our kids just how important we are to each other. It’s actually a really beautiful thing. First, ditch the mom guilt about leaving your kids. I know so many families who went 20 years without taking a vacation without their kids. Sending your kids to camp, for a weekend sleepover or even for a day away is SO healthy for them and for you.

Date night has become a priority at our house. If you’re not in a relationship, this is still important - just do this with your bestie, your mama, your sister or someone you’re close with! For us, we try to go on weekly dates or outings. That doesn’t mean it always happens, but it does meant that we try. Sometimes it’s just dinner out. Or, if the kids are away we can stay in for a cheap date night at home. If you’re local to me, here’s a few DATE NIGHT ideas!

4) ENGAGE IN A GRATITUDE PRACTICE

Gratitude changes what we have into enough. Maybe it's time for you to start a gratitude journal. Have you ever done this before? Each day you write down at least 3 things that you are thankful for. First thing in the morning or in the moment when you could use the reminder. I have done this following Ann Voskamp's suggestions from her book 1000 gifts. I have only made it to 250 things so far, but the purpose is for your growth & spiritual connection, not a competition for how many things you can write down on a list. You can learn more about this idea here: http://onethousandgifts.com. For me, this is a moment to sit in stillness before God and recognize how much He has blessed me and my family. To surrender control of every moment to someone who has the strength to help me accomplish anything. It's a beautiful process, but requires that you carve out time to make it happen. The way that it changes my perspective and my day is incredible. It’s so much easier to interact with your children when you’re feeling grateful for them - which means that it’s harder to get frustrated with them. The gifts in the moment, even if that moment is a struggle will reveal themselves to you. You just have to look for those gifts.

5) FIND WAYS OF MINIMIZING STRESS IN YOUR LIFE

Stress could be an entire topic on it’s own. Tired & overwhelmed mamas are my jam. Meaning, I am passionate about helping moms to feel that they are capable for the task and to give them some practical tips to manage stress effectively.

When I get stressed out, the first line of defence is always essential oils. My go-to stress blend i Balance (grounding blend) and Cheer (Uplifting blend) from doTERRA. These power houses combined with a minute of deep breathing to inhale the aroma of the oils can completely change my mood and my body’s physical reaction to stress. You can experience your muscles relax, your pulse return to normal rate and your breath steady. I am also obsessed with Serenity (restful blend) for moment where someone needs a little calm - I usually apply it directly to my children to help them find some chill. For myself, I apply essential oils topically on my wrists and inhale the scent as needed throughout the day. For the kids, we usually apply some diluted (with coconut oil) essential oils to the bottoms of their feet or back of the neck. Want to learn more about oils - I would love to teach you how to harness their plant magic to change your day around! You can find more info over at FLOURISH.

Other ways of reducing stress can be found in my one hour webinar -
EMPOWERED MAMA: A Webinar for Stressed Out Moms with Natural Solutions for your Family.

Thanks for reading the blog and may you have a stress-free, fun filled summer!! <3

And, thankfully, we did end up getting a great shot after all! WOO!